Waves of sadness, waves of gratitude, waves of fear, waves of hope. My emotions are all over the map right now.
I am a busy lady. I am a teacher, I am on the board of trustees for the local library, I teach sunday school to a rambunctious group of 3 year olds, I am working on my master's degree, I am a wife, a mother, and now apparently I am a researcher of a crazy genetic disorder called FOP.
The logical Shannon would tell herself that time heals all wounds, fears, and heart ache. I think the strong me would give the weak me a good slap across the face right now and tell her to snap out of it because I can't change this and I really just need to deal with it.
My question is how?
I know that many in my shoes right now would be cursing God for letting this happen to such a sweet little girl. I can't. I need him more than ever right now. I need my fears calmed and my worries washed away. I think this is an opportunity that the Lord is giving me to see if I really believe everything I think I do. Do I trust him? Do I really believe in all that faith, hope, and charity stuff? Do I really believe that he answers prayers?
Yes.
Contrasted with how I'm feeling right now it would be very easy to say no. But yes, it has always been yes. And that isn't something that can come in waves.
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Shannon, your story sounds so familiar to me. A lot of what you said especially about your gut feeling about them sounds so familiar to me. I just couldn't or didn't want to believe there was something wrong with my perfect child. We did not find out that Reece had ectodermal dysplasia until he was a year old which is similar to you and your journey. I really can relate to some of the feelings you are feeling. So if you have questions or just want to talk give me a call. I am thinking about you. I am just sooooooo thankful Addi's birth mom had the good sense to give her up to a loving couple who can give her the love and medical attention she needs. Thinking of you, Joyce Loveridge
ReplyDeleteI wanted to edit my comment but I couldn't. It is supposed to say "your gut feeling about the feet". I typed wrong and it didn't make any sense.
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